These last couple weeks have been hard. My brother's wonderful wife passed away unexpectedly from cancer, I had to put my seven year old dog to sleep. I stepped down from my youth ministry position that was more of a lifestyle than a job for the last eight years. We sold our camper and our minivan. And I've experienced some of the worst spiritual warfare that I've ever had in my life.
Among all the decisions, emotions, trials, and frustrations, I've also had to somehow find time to begin a church, continue to raise support so my family can pay the bills, prepare to work construction, work on my studies, buy a car, and preach about God's heart at churches and youth groups to people who have no clue the stuff I'm going through. Oh yeah....I'm a dad and husband too.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for pity. Just writing down my feelings.
I believe all of us at some point will run into such times. Many have been through much, much worse than I have yet experienced. May God bless them.
No, what I'm trying to convey here is simple. I have found there is a point I get to where I can't go beyond myself. It becomes quite impossible for me to take the next step. I don't even want to take the next step.
But maybe this is where God desires to come in.
Somehow, someway he whispers deep into my soul "I am with you."
I find in life when it's thick with junk, and I can't move, I'm forced to sit and wait. It's really all I want to do.
And in this "waiting on God" I find peace. I find comfort. I find strength.
I find God.
And with His Spirit I am able to go beyond myself.
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Dear Randy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so transparent with your feelings. My, what a lot of trash you have had to go through over the past couple of weeks. You have many "Points" added up on the scale (you'll have to ask Rick about the scale that adds all these points up for different life changes)and that could mean emotional trouble. (Remember that feelings are just that. Feelings are not always an accurate gauge of what really is happening.)
One thing I would go to the bank on - I have learned in life that when I look back, God has been faithful. He IS always there and He will be there for you too. He is faithful and you will get through this dark valley.
We love you and Amber and Isaiah. Feel free to call when you need a shoulder to cry on. You know we will be there for you. Don't go it alone!
Love, Laurel
thanks Laurel! You and Rick's love are more than you know. My hope in writing this wasn't just to make people feel bad for us but was really to show how important waiting on God really becomes in our life. I've spent more time alone in prayer these last couple weeks than I have in a long time. It's there where the battle is won. (and of course through friendships in the body of Christ). I can't explain how but the peace of just coming before His throne with no agenda but to just be with Him far outweighs anything that I can fathom. I look forward to someday living in that all the time:)
ReplyDeleteohhhh... sorry to hear about duke randy. i knew about all the other tough stuff you guys were going through... i'm sure duke was just the "that's it" feeling. we still need to have you guys over for some dinner. we miss you guys!
ReplyDeletethanks for the thoughts tana:)
ReplyDelete